Sunday, January 10, 2010

i know i dont write on this much, its hard with so much going on around, yet i am standing still. I have tried opening up and expressing every morsel of feeling in my body and at times it makes me want to use more than anything. this time i am trying something else and its just making a decision to stop and thats the end of discussion. This has been working so far but it is wearing on me because it seems like everyone i care about is still trying the old method. which must work for them, but it makes me uncomfortable. its like them constantly reminding me that i am a piece of shit. i know that is not their intentions but it is hard not to feel this way. My father just informed me he has been offered to do a story about our life in diane sawyer. dont get me wrong that is exciting and could help alot of people, it is just that i will be constantly reminded and labeled as a junkie and could possibly effect all my future relationships and life opportunities. I am not sure i could handle it also it will cause a massive amount of stress for my close relatives who also have clung to the forget method that works for them. i am still struggling with every obstacle that life gives me and this time am fortunate enough to include all the people who actually want me to make an improvement. my group of friends this time have done nothing but support me and i hope one day they know that they saved my life