Monday, March 1, 2010

i stayed in bed today until 6 at night. why because of fear, fear of what i might do, what i might say, or what horrible exp. will happen to me. One thing i know about myself is when i am worried about something i let it fester, then it turns to hate and rage. Also when i am scared, i am on defense about everything. So i did not argue with anyone, i did not jam a needle in my arm, and i did not lose everything i have worked so hard to keep in my life. The only communication i had today was with kristy, my on and off significant other. We didn't argue. So i am not sure what you would call today. if the glass is half full then it was a good day i didn't get hi. if its half empty, i wasted a day didnt make any life long memories or a positive impact on anyone. i still am unsure which way to look at life at this very second, the only thing i do know is sleeping until 6 means at 2:20 in the morning you are not tired. which blows