Monday, February 22, 2010

man I am absent from this blog for extreme periods of time. my dad lives on these things, i am surprised i still have followers. but thats good to me it shows that i am moving on, because i dont want this to be a major part of m life anymore, and i havent got what i desired in a very long time and i dont see it changing anytime soon. I have really put in some thought about this t.v. interview thing and you know i would not mind it at all. for all i know it could be my calling and i could take the one thing that destroyed my life and turn it into a cash crop, as greedy as that sounds I have been going through despair and am american so i feel compensation should be in order. Tonight the one new and exciting person that sobriety has brought into my life, (my girlfriend) dumped me. Oh believe me trigger like a motherfucker but luckily i got through it. She had a mother addicted growing up, and now that i am trusting her enough to let her know about my past it is bringing up bad memories and she let me go on the chance that i might relapse and make her feel like she did growing up. I am sorry she had a bad childhood and she told me i don understand which is odd because i feel that living it is a pretty good understanding, but i care about her and we are doing a 2 week break, which is better than ending it because she is everything to me at this point. I mean i literally have nothing at this point in my life, wait i take that back i have debt and addiction. I mean by the grace of my parents i have a roof over my head but other than that i dont have a damn thing, i dont even have a room to call m own in the house. So she is everything to me and its been getting serious i stay there about 6 out of 7 days a week and love every second of it. i hope we can work this out because what good is sobriety if you dont have anyone to share it with plus she is super hot. she has two children that love me for some odd reason and she is worried about my impact on them too, they already had one dad take off on them. which i cant even begin to imagine children, i still am a kid, but one thing i do know is i would never do anything to upset those girls and the sooner the mother realizes that the sooner she can open back up to me and treat me like a human being even better her boyfriend instead of a bad memory from her childhood i dont know how many times and to how many people i have to say this every situation in addiction and person in addiction is different so stop throwing us all in the same category