Wednesday, December 2, 2009

the bend in the road

Today, I felt like one of those people who is scared to walk outside their house. I realized how close i am to slipping back into addiction. I now realize somethings may not go my way and exactly how i imagined them to. I  took the long road and decided not to use today, I looked for jobs which being a felon makes all that more difficult. But atleast i feel like i accomplished something. My father and I  are still on thin ice. He took me to a basketball game tonight which is the great father son equalizer, sports. I noticed on the way there while he was informing me of how big of a loser i am that he has become more smart ass about informing me, which I think is a good thing it shows that my past decisions don't bug him as much. I hope its because I am finally taking responsibility for my actions, and trying not to lie to myself. All i know is life is moving as fast as ever and I am trying my best to stand still so I dont fall over. Well the good thing is tomorrow is another day chal full of surprise yay I can't wait


  1. Welcome! and it is nice to "meet" you. I guess I want to introduce myself first, as I know more about you, than you do me. My name is Shawna and I have recovered from my addiction. I am 31 and I am somewhere around 4 years clean. I have been following your parents' blog for a bit now. Meth was my drug of choice. Since I have broken free of my chain of addiction, I also choose to break free of labels.

    I have used some non conventional methods in my recovery and not everyone agrees with the way I got here. Just like every person is different, every addiction is different, and so will be every recovery. Along the way, finding connections and similarities provides strength and comfort.

    My biggest hope for you is that you will find hope and encouragement here and you will actively seek out your own recovery through honesty. Not always easy, as I know. This is YOUR recovery, not a presentation to be made for all to judge.

    One size doesn't fit all. Take what you need, and leave the rest, often applies. This blogging community is full of some of the strongest and most amazing people I know, and not all of them always knew that ;)

    I look forward to joining you in this journey.

  2. Hi Alex -

    I don't know you...but I feel like I do! I could feel your pain in your writing. This isn't going to be easy. The question is do you want it? If you think you don't deserve it then you don't! We get what we think we deserve in life.

    My son is in jail right now and will be transferred to a lock-down rehab hopefully in a week or so. You remind me of him - full of potential - but blind to your own power!

    As far as the girl goes - once you find yourself - the perfect girl for you will come into your life!

    My prayer for you is peace and the ability to love yourself first so that you can love others!

  3. Welcome to the sometimes wonderful world of publicly exposing your entire soul for one and all to see! I have been doing this now for close to six years, and with each passing year, it seems to either get much easier, or perhaps, I simply seem to no longer have any shame left!

    Please don't give up. I have now been on MMT for close to four years, and other than my methadone, have been completely and absolutely opiate free since March 2006! Initially, I felt as if there was nothing but an endless abyss of despair staring back at me, with no hope in sight - never mind a shot at a possible redemption, but now...anything and everything is within my grasp.

    Pls, if you have some time read through my archives from 2004 and 2005 when my addiction was at its worse and completely out of control, and then read some of my most recent entries. Same person believe it or not...

    peace, love and happiness..